Conclusion

This factsheet has offered some basic advice and information for adoptive parents on explaining adoption to your child. Adoptive parents should take into account how they feel about adoption, how their child feels, and the child's emotional maturity. In other words, read the advice of experts and then make your own educated decision about when and how to explain adoption to your child.

Studies indicate that the best attitude is a willingness to answer questions and approachability on the part of adoptive parents. In spite of your best efforts to handle this situation, sometimes your child will be sad or angry about being adopted. This does not mean you have failed. Some negative feelings are normal and can usually be worked through. Remember that most adopted children grow up to be well-adjusted adopted adults.

This factsheet was written in 1993 by Christine Adamec for the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse. Ms. Adamec is an adoptive parent and well-known writer on adoption whose works include The Encyclopedia of Adoption and There Are Babies to Adopt.

Resources

Books for Children
Banish, Roslyn with Jennifer Jordan-Wong. A Forever Family. New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1992.

Bunin, Catherine and Sherry Bunin. Is That Your Sister? A True Story of Adoption. Wayne, PA: Our Child Press, 1992.

Freudberg, Judy and Tony Geiss. Susan and Gordon Adopt a Baby. New York: Random House, 1986.

Girard, Linda Walvoord and Linda Shute. We Adopted You, Benjamin Koo. Niles, IL: Albert Whitman and Company, 1989.

Koch, Janice. Our Baby: A Birth and Adoption Story. Indianapolis, IN: Perspectives Press, 1985.

Koehler, Phoebe. The Day We Met You. New York: Bradbury Press, 1990.

Krementz, Jill. How it Feels to Be Adopted. New York: Knopf, 1988.

Powell, John Y. Whose Child Am I? Adults' Recollections of Being Adopted. New York: Tiresias Press, 1985.

Wickstrom, Lois. Oliver: A Story About Adoption. Wayne, PA: Our Child Press, 1991.

Lifebooks
American Foster Care Resources. My Life's Book. King George, VA: American Foster Care Resources, 1992.

Caperna, Faye. "The Life Book: A Therapeutic Tool." F.A.C.E. Facts, vol. 14, no. 2 (Nov 1990): 25, 27.

Harrison, JoAnn, Campbell, Elaine, and Penny Chumbley. Making History: A Social Worker's Guide to Lifebooks. Frankfort, KY: Kentucky Cabinet for Human Resources, 1987.

Johnson, Gail Zars and Valerie Martin Bailey. Baby Face: The Baby Book Designed with the Adopted Child in Mind. San Antonio, TX: Baby Face, 1991.

Piantanida, Maria, Ph.D. and Sherry Anderson, M.S.W. Creating and Using Lifebooks: A Guide for Adoptive Parents. Pittsburgh, PA: Three Rivers Adoption Council, 1990.

Spaulding for Children. Here I Am!! A Lifebook Kit for Use With Children With Developmental Disabilities. Southfield, MI: Spaulding for Children, 1985.

Swan, Christina and Laura Richards. My Story: An Adoption Baby Book. Dallas, TX: Cygnet Designs, 1989.

Bibliography

Adamec, Christine and William L. Pierce, Ph.D. The Encyclopedia of Adoption. New York: Facts on File, Inc., 1991.

Berger, Maia and Jill Hodges in collaboration with Carla Elliott, Sarah Rabb, and Sarah Salo. "Some Thoughts on the Question of When to Tell the Child That He/She is Adopted." Journal of Child Psychiatry, vol. 8, no. 1 (1982): 67-88.

Bothun, Linda. When Friends Ask About Adoption. Chevy Chase, MD: Swan Publications, 1987.

Braff, Anne M. "Telling Children About Their Adoption: New Alternatives for Parents," The American Journal of Maternal Child Nursing (Jul/Aug 1977): 254-59.

Brodzinsky, David M. "A Stress and Coping Model of Adoption Adjustment," in The Psychology of Adoption. New York: Oxford University Press, 1990.

Brodzinsky, David M., Leslie M. Singer, and Anne M. Braff. "Children's Understanding of Adoption," Child Development, vol. 55 (1984): 869-78.

Brodzinsky, David M. "New Perspectives on Adoption Revelation," Early Child Development & Care, vol. 18, no. 1-2 (1984): 105-18.

Comer, James P., M.D. "Adoption and Identity," Parents' Magazine, vol. 67, no. i (Jan 1992): 116.

Demuth, Carol L., CSW-ACP. "Talking with Your Child About Adoption." Dallas, TX: Hope Cottage Adoption Center, undated.

Demuth, Carol L., CSW-ACP. "Talking with Your Child About Adoption," videotape. Dallas, TX: Hope Cottage Adoption Center, 1991.

Donovan, Denis M., M.D. "Resolved: Children Should Be Told of Their Adoption Before They Ask, Negative." Debate Forum, Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, vol. 29, no. 5 (Sep 1990): 829-32.

Donovan, Denis M. and Deborah McIntyre. Healing the Hurt Child: A Developmental-Contextual Approach. New York: Norton, 1990.

Frank, Elaine, M.S.W. "Adoption and the Stages of Development." National Adoption Information Clearinghouse Factsheet.

Hammons, Chloe. "The Adoptive Family," The American Journal of Nursing, vol. 76, no. 2 (Feb 1976): 251-57.

Leckie, Dae H., M.S.W., L.C.S.W. "Sharing the Adoption Story,"AdoptNet, vol. 3, no. 2 (Mar/Apr 1991): 16-17, 22.

Levy-Shiff, Rachel, Ilana Goldshmidt, and Dov Har-Even. "Transition to Parenthood in Adoptive Families," Developmental Psychology, vol. 27, no. 1 (Jan 1991): 131-41.

Marrero, Bernie, Ph.D. "The Positive Aspects of Adoption," also titled "How to Tell Children They Are Adopted," videotape. The Woodlands, TX: Los Niños International Adoption Center, 1988.

Nickman, Steven L., M.D. "Losses in Adoption: The Need for Dialogue,"The Psychoanalytic Study of the Child, vol. 40 (1985): 365-97.

MacIntryre, James C., M.D. "Resolved: Children Should Be Told of Their Adoption Before They Ask, Affirmative." Debate Forum, Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, vol. 29, no. 5 (Sep 1990): 828-29.

McRoy, Ruth, G., Harold D. Grotevant, Susan Ayers Lopez, and Ann Furuta. "Adoption Revelation and Communication Issues: Implications for Practice," Families in Society, vol. 71, no. 9 (Oct 1990): 550-57.

Melina, Lois, "Children Under 5 Confused About Adoption," Adopted Child, vol. 3, no. 5, (May 1984): 1-2, 4.

Melina, Lois. "Even Well Adjusted Parents Can Be Uneasy Disclosing Adoption," Adopted Child, vol. 10, no. 1 (Jan 1991): 1-4.

Nadelson, Carol C., M.D. "The Emotional Aftermath of Adoption." American Family Physician, vol. 14, no. 3 (Sep 1976): 124-27.

Rillera, Mary Jo and Kaplan, Sharon. Cooperative Adoption: A Handbook. Westminster, CA: Triadoption Publications, 1985.

Rondell, Florence and Ruth Michael. The Adopted Family, Book I, You and Your Child: A Guide for Adoptive Parents. New York: Crown Publishers, 1951.

Schaffer, Judith and Christina Lindstrom. How to Raise an Adopted Child. New York: Copestone Press, 1989.

Smith, Debra, A.C.S.W. "Answers to Children's Questions About Adoption," National Adoption Information Clearinghouse Factsheet. Rockville, MD: Cygnus Corporation, 1989.

Smith, Jerome, Ph.D. and Franklin I. Miroff. You're Our Child: The Adoption Experience. Lanham, MD: Madison Books, 1987.

Tizard, Barbara. Adoption: A Second Chance. New York: The Free Press, 1977.

Walker, Lorraine Olszewski, R.N. Ed.D. "A Survey of the Needs of Adoptive Parents," Pediatric Nursing, vol. 4 (Mar/Apr 1978): 28-31.

Wieder, Herbert, M.D. "On Being Told of Adoption," The Psychoanalytic Quarterly, vol. 46, no. 1 (Jan 1977): 1-22.

Zimmerman, Beverly McKay. "The Exceptional Stresses of Adoptive Parenthood." The American Journal of Maternal Child Nursing (May/Jun 1977): 191-96.

Credits: Child Welfare Information Gateway (http://www.childwelfare.gov)